Confectionery Exorcism

Around the same time every year (this time of year to be precise), it becomes glaringly obvious that sugar does strange things to my children. Almost as soon as it comes into our house en masse – cradled in smiling plastic pumpkins, clutched tightly in sticky hands – the changes begin.

At first, it’s just small stuff. A little snap at a sibling. Less tolerance for correction.

But quickly things begin to escalate. Unexplained tears. Voices perpetually raised to volumes that would shatter glass. And the fighting. Oh, the fighting!

Part of me is proud that my kids go so incredibly, off-the-wall crazy is the presence of high fructose corn syrup. It means they’re not used to it. And that’s a good thing.

Another part of me though – the part that is slapping my forehead and shaking my head as I write this – wonders why (oh, why) I let this happen every year. Year after year after year.

But I do. Because I’m nothing if not a sucker for tradition. I like seeing the kids dressed up in their various costumes. I thrill at the incredulous stares of the newbies as they carefully try to process this strangest of holidays. (Could they really be about to dump a bunch of candy in my sack? Just because I’m dressed like a giant rodent?) Halloween is a day for children if ever there was one. And I love watching the magic of it all soak into my kids.

And so I suffer the sugar that soaks into them as a result.

But, because I’ve never been accused of being long-suffering, I eventually break down and perform a confectionery exorcism. Sometimes the demons just have to go.

This process is painful; drawing poison from a wound. But I banish the candy in an attempt to purge the sugar-induced madness that infests our house. And the kids… resist. They cry. They scream. They throw tantrums with the strength of ten Grinches plus two.

And then they wake up the next day, the previous night’s dreams undisturbed by sadistic saccharine whisperings. They ask if they can watch Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving instead of It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and I breathe a sigh of relief. Because I know the madness has stopped. The demons have been exorcised.

At least until this time next year.