Admit It… You Don’t Really Want to Know

You don’t really want to know how your child was.

I know I never do. Not really. Or at least I never expect to really hear how he was.

How was he, I ask halfheartedly. Oh, fine. Good, they reply. Or if he was really incredible and on his best behavior, they might even add that he was so polite/kind/gentle/insert other-descriptor-of-child’s-behavior-designed-to- make-a-mama-heart-swell here. Thanks, I say.

But occasionally, things stray a little. How was he, I ask, already a wee bit concerned. He was a little bit of a handful today, they say, while their face is saying, Oh, honey, let me tell you. Gulp. I’ve never been called to the principal’s office, but I have a feeling that this is what it would feel like.

Fortunately, this second scenario is fairly rare. I like to think it’s because my children are so exceptional and well-behaved that they never warrant an “oh, honey” response. On the other hand, I live with them and realize that this little fantasy has slim basis in reliable fact. So I’m forced to conclude that either my boys act better for others than they do for me or others are just too darn polite to tell me how my children really were.

I definitely fall into the latter category. I can have had a miserable time dealing with your ill-mannered, whiny, doesn’t-cover-mouth-to-cough cautionary tale child, but the worst you’ll ever get out of me is “They were fine”. In fact, I use this answer a lot. For a lot of things. In my world, fine is used a) when I don’t feel like answering, b) if I don’t know you well enough to get into it with you, c) if I feel you honestly wouldn’t want to know how I really feel, or d) on the rare occasions when fine is actual the appropriate descriptor. And I don’t really feel like it’s all that uncommon.

I think most of us cringe at the thought of actually telling another mother what we think of her child. Sometimes of course, we could be truthful because the truth would be good. But other times… Well, if your mother was anything like mine, she’d have advised you to not say anything at all. Okay, Mom. You win.

How were they? Just fine.